Writing for the web

I’ve been wondering lately why I’m so bothered by a client asking me to write his landing pages with headers proclaiming that his company is #1. It just felt wrong, telling people that. But why did it feel so wrong?

One of the companies for whom I do a bit of work sent its executive team to a two-day storytelling workshop in February. 

My first thought: What do they care about storytelling? (I was jealous I couldn’t go, which lead me to…)

My second thought: Why aren’t the frontliners — the call centre agents, the marketers, the creatives — who are actually telling the story day after day invited?

I naively hoped the executives might cascade their learnings. It’s April now, though, and I’m losing faith. So, in the absense of a corporate storytelling course that might’ve actually zapped my will to live, I’ve started reflecting on those outstanding creative writing courses I took in university (the glory days!), and I’m remembering some great lessons I didn’t realize I’d forgotten.

Here’s the first one, the subject of this post: Show, don’t tell.

I’ve been wondering lately why I’m so bothered by a client asking me to write his landing pages with headers proclaiming that his company is #1. It just felt wrong, telling people that. But why did it feel so wrong? I knew that I’d read a GrokDotCom or GetToThePoint post on why some study says you shouldn’t actually say you’re the best… so I attributed my annoyance to what I’d read in that now-misplaced article.

But the real problem is one that Greg Hollingshead or Tom Wharton would’ve had back when they were teaching me. And that is simply that one of the primary rules of writing short stories is that you are to show the reader what you’re talking about rather than telling them. Like Hemingway in “Hills Like White Elephants.” 

Why can’t you just tell people? Why all the showing?
So, you’re a guy and you’re in a bar. A girl crosses the floor and says to you, “Hi. I’m Stacy, and I’m consistently rated the #1 piece of ass in the province.”

There’s something to be said for being so upfront, sure. :) And Stacy’s approach may actually work for a percentage of her audience/market. It might work even better given her [sleezy] environment.

But then she has to prove herself, poor thing. Her claim needs substantiation. Those she’s captivated need proof, need evidence. Those she hasn’t captivated are a little turned off by the posturing and the wild claim that they’ve heard before and that doesn’t really mean anything at all. (Just because you say it doesn’t make it true.)

So let’s say Stacy gets 1 in 5 men to listen to what she has to say. 20% conversion isn’t too bad. Seems like a good strategy.

But transport her from the skuzzy bar into, say, a geisha bar. Around her, women are intriguing men with the promise of something more, with their mystery, with tiny bits of exposed skin, with intelligent conversation and charm. They’re showing their sexuality rather than talking about it.

Stacy crosses the floor and uses the same “I’m #1 line” on a patron.  To what end?

How does this work in a business environment?
Remember that there is a line between PR and marketing. Let your PR do most of the bragging (with substantiation for all claims), and let your marketing do the showing. Instead of telling people you’re the best, show them with:

• Quotes from satisfied customers
• Product reviews and ratings
• Case studies of work you’ve done or how your product has helped a client
• Benefit statements
• Features-and-effects-of-features lists (for product detail pages)
• Logic (e.g., “X will help you do Y because X is made with Z”)
• Building your brand to be the
• Showing photos of real people using your product/service; telling the stories of those people

Is anyone even using these claims?
Well, at least one of my clients is. And here are a few others (the result of a Google search moments ago for the keyword phrase “#1 rated”): 

How do you make decisions?
Maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe saying you’re #1 actually produces results. I mean, these companies have to hold market share in order to make such claims, so perhaps there’s something to be said for telling rather than just showing.

UPDATE: See WebInkNow’s post on “Show, Don’t Tell” - written April 3