Writing for the web

In this post, let’s get practical with this writing thing. What do most writers need to do better on the Web and in EMs? If you ask me, it’s headers. (Or ‘leads’ for you PR types. Or ‘H1s’ for you SEMers. Or ‘titles’ if you’re in the 9th grade.)

Let’s workshop a header or two, then. The way a writer does at her desk. And let’s start with an example from somewhere out there……………. How about Microsoft?

HEADER: Download Microsoft Office Accounting Express 2008
SUBHEAD: Get it free and start saving time on everyday tasks

Let the revisions begin…………..

It starts with 2 questions: 

First question: Who’s the audience?
First answer: This is a header directly below the hero banner on the home page. I arrived at the home page after entering “Microsoft” in Google, so I do not believe this is a targeted landing page. That said, if this is a general home page, then the audience is likely anyone using a PC and/or Mac. (So the whole world!)

Second question: What works?
Second answer: Ask Cosmo. Ask Glamour. Ask People. Ask the New York Times. All write headlines that work instantly and include most if not all of these elements:

• A number
• Benefit statements
• The promise of a list or tips & tricks
• Reliance on monosyllabics
• Words that would earn a 65 or higher on the Flesch score (built for grade 6 reading level)
• Action words - “hot” words
• Instant appeal

Now the suggested improvements:

DRAFT 1
Free download! Microsoft Office Accounting Express 2008
Get it free, and start saving time on everyday tasks

DRAFT 2
Free download! Accounting software that works with Microsoft Office
Download Microsoft Office Accounting Express 2008 here

DRAFT 3
Free accounting software download! Click here to get started
Microsoft Office Accounting Express 2008 is free for everyone - no strings attached

FINAL
Totally free accounting software - 3 reasons to download it now
Works with Office. Built for simple & complex needs. Oh, and it’s free. Download now

So, what makes the final version better?
I don’t know if it is better for the customer. That’s what testing’s for. But, at least it follows the general Cosmo-inspired rules of writing great headlines/leads: It includes a number, benefit statements and ‘hotter’ action words. (”Start saving time on everyday tasks is so blah I nearly fell asleep.)

You don’t like my version? You tell me how to improve it then. What would you do?

Why was this exercise difficult?
On the overview page that acted as a landing page for the original link, the copy was your typical general info. No real numbers. Nothing that a reader can grab onto and hold. Rather, it was simply “Save time on everyday tasks”, “Get a complete view of your business” and “Grow your business online.”

Readers EXPECT that. Give them MORE.

“Save time on everyday tasks” –> “Users save 10 hours each month on paperwork”
“Get a complete view of your business” –> “Going broke? Getting rich? Be the first to know how you’re doing”
“Grow your business online” –> “Make money off the Web - with over 20 simple tools”

Seems easy. So why is this so hard?
Because money-making businesses think it’s scary to say something real. It commits you (legal departments don’t like that). It draws attention. It drives calls to your already-busy call centre.

Simply put, it’s safer for businesses to be more general. But, as any real leader can tell you, the safer way is not usually the way you want to go when you’re growing your business.

Final thought on writing headlines
If you don’t have anything meaningful to say in your headline, you don’t have anything meaningful to say at all.